The Relationship Gap

26 Jun The Relationship Gap

This pandemic came in like a wrecking ball and exposed significant gaps in every system and structure that is known to humankind.

It has exposed gaps in our educational systems.

It has exposed gaps in our economic systems.

It has even exposed gaps in technology. And not just the knowledge of it or the capability to be able to understand it, but also the accessibility to it.

Well, it also exposed gaps in one of our most precious things.

Our relationships.

This pandemic has exposed gaps in our friendships, marriages, and in our relationship with God.

1. Friendships.

We no longer have the luxury to be able to be “fabulous and free” over $90 brunches or at parties with our friends. Connection looks completely different now. Calling, face timing, texting, and hosting Zoom meetings has become the catalyst for communication in all our friendship circles.

But here lies the kicker. If you only enjoyed being “lit” and “fabulous” with your friends, then calling and connecting differently most likely, does not do it for you now.

Recently, in Glamour magazine, a reader commented that the pandemic has been” the death of ‘going out’ friends.” And I do not mean those friends that are busy navigating mental wellness, purpose, work, and parenting. I’m referring to the women in your circle that you’ve never had an in-depth conversation with beyond a DM or a heavy Instagram caption exchange. These are the ladies that you probably, will not make time to Zoom party now.

Listen – realistically, most of us don’t have the time to call our friends every day or Facetime them every afternoon. But, we can find inventive ways to be kind and thoughtful to one another. Friends rallying together is what is going to help us get through this time.

2. Marriages and Relationships.

This pandemic has also exposed gaps in marriages.

Gaps, in the areas of:
o household duties,
o intimacy, and
o unity

Too often, we have used the excuse of responsibility and work (albeit a legitimate claim) as a reason for the lack of time that we’ve put into our marriages. Now that we have the time to connect, are we seeing that we are carrying an equal load in the house? Are we being intentional about being emotionally and physically intimate? Have we been on the same page financially? Were we legally and financially prepared for this pandemic?

The revelation that time was not the blame for our lack should inspire us to come up with a game plan to rectify these gaps. We should collaborate with our spouses and start asking each other critical questions.

During this pandemic, many couples are experiencing new, exciting, and unexplored and not so exciting sides of their spouse and marriage, as they navigate the many layers of stress stemming from the racial and COVID pandemics, including the things that come with them like layoffs, furloughs, deaths, and depression.

Let remember to be kind and patient, listen, give grace, and keep planning for your future.

3. God

Lastly, the pandemic has exposed gaps in our relationship with God.

If you were in the practice of regularly depending on or communing with God pre-pandemic, then when the news hit, you almost certainly expected something from God.

And what I mean by ‘expectation’ is that when you went to God in prayer, you did not approach Him with fear, you went with questions and declarations.

“Lord, I know you are working in the background during this time. Please show me what I need to know. Please show me what I need to do. Reveal the things that I need to see, to be safe during this time.”

But – if you were not in that place when all of this happened, then you – like most of us, approached God with your fears.

“Fix it, Jesus! God, just protect my family! Do not let me get sick. Don’t let me lose my job.”

This gap can be sealed, and the time we have today is an opportunity to improve our relationship with God and increase our prayer life.

Before heading to his death, Jesus – God in human form – prayed: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” (Luke 22:42). Jesus was God himself, and still, he prayed! He was experiencing the reality of human agony, and praying was a way of committing himself entirely to God, so that He could finish His assignment.

Women of Judah, although it feels like we are watching the worst movie ever, we are living in the middle of a literal pandemic! Everyone indeed has their host of struggles, but it is our relationships that make us uniquely human, seen, and loved.

I am hoping you would not see this as a moment of I discouragement, but instead as an opportunity to solidify the relationships that you cherish. It may take more effort, but the pandemic has ramped up the stakes, and I believe that is the point of all of this.